His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
