You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My vagina just recognized that song.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
