Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I would ride that face into the sunset