in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me