Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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