Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.