We're facebook friends in real life
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.