I'm going to jail i love you
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.