I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
