Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize