im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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