After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize