Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
