I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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