Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.