I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants