This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I intend to get homeless drunk
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
