I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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