I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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