Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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