would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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