If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
