I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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