fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
