so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize