What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
