And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
