I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize