New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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