I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
