The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
