ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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