this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
home. puking in laundry basket.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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