they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.