U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted