So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
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I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
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He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.