Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name