I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...