I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
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I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
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I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.