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Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Randomize
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