kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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