I puked a lego.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
