He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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