sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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