I got chris browned last night
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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