If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
