How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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