remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She's the barista slut.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
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