Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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