I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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