Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
