census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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