I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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