just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.