I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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