used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.