i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
reminds me of losing my job
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?