did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him