I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..