I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.