It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
soo... how was my night?
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