Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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