the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
