Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
