walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
