Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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