i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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