If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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