I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.