I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?