haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it