Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.